


inability to harbour the feelings to where it cause them

by leftoveramericano



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff (well relative), M/M, Soonyoung-centric, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Unrequited love between Soonyoung and Wonwoo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 09:21:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14329383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftoveramericano/pseuds/leftoveramericano
Summary: Soonyoung has come into a realisation that the worst possibility to occur in his life, is to fall in love with his own best friend and overcome the inescapable heartbreak after discovering no such romantic vacancy exists in the other's life.





	inability to harbour the feelings to where it cause them

**Author's Note:**

> based on: (1) wonwoo's confession of how mingyu often cooks him ramyeon and even feeding him while he is playing video games, and (2) soonyoung's revelation of how the way wonwoo helps him playing the video games is causing his heart to race due to the physical intimacy it concludes.

It is a moist summer night, one that certainly is unpleasant to Soonyoung. 

The clock strikes at quarter past eleven. Soonyoung has just gotten back from what seemed like laborious dance practice along with Seokmin and Seungkwan. Don’t get him wrong, though. Soonyoung is genuinely thankful of the given opportunity to finally able to officially promote as a part of the BooSeokSoon unit, one that was born out of a knee-jerk action to make them appear thousands times more playful and somewhat witty in front of the invisible audience through the substandard camera during their trainee days.

Last time he checked, Seokmin and Seungkwan had gone to their respective bedrooms without forgetting to bid Soonyoung a good night by saying ‘thank you for the thorough instructions with the dance, hyung’, not dismissing Seokmin’s additional remark of, ‘you better sleep soon, and that is my first proposal as your leader to which you should comply’. Soonyoung only answered it by ruffling Seokmin’s hair and endearingly cooed at him, ensuring the younger that he will hit the hay before the clock strikes midnight.

That was before the game, as it turned out.

His right index and middle fingers are still clicking both of the buttons subsequently, with teeth frustratingly biting his bottom lip every time he finds himself losing to the computerised player. He knows better to stay quiet to support the comforting tranquillity that the dorm offers, especially knowing this kind of moment might as well be considered rare bearing the fact that thirteen of them can be really rowdy most of the times. Reminding him again as to why they decided to move out from the old dorm located in one heavily-occupied apartment complex squeezed in between two other tenants of different rooms from both sides, resulting in them receiving endless complaints from various lessees as notified by the front office. Lucks were (and hopefully still are and will continuously be) on their side as they finally managed to move out to bigger and somewhat more secluded living place where thirteen of them could get riotous without having to get protestation from outsiders.  

Including now, where Soonyoung has been groaning and yelling in distress at the huge monitor of communal computer placed in the living room of their dorm. He can only hope his turbulent and somewhat childish rage won’t be affecting the computer, knowing Jihoon has stored some of his compositions inside, therefore the last thing Soonyoung would want to do is to mess them around and worst of all obliterating the data into the convoluted and unreachable strains of computer-based junk systems.

 

“Fucking shit, why won’t you just die.” Soonyoung groans. He has been playing the game for almost one and a half hour by now, yet hasn’t he gotten to taste the triumph even for just once. “Please let me rest without having to grumble and curse inside the dreamland.” He speaks into the monitor. The weather doesn’t do him any good either despite of the air-con has already been set to the most minimum temperature.

 

His cup of hot chocolate has now gone cold, one sip in and it’ll be completely emptied out. However, Soonyoung has made an unspoken rule to himself to only sip it until the last drop once he’s finally managed to nail the game, which doesn’t seem to be happening any time soon. He groans, throws his head back in frustration, scratches his hair messily and bites his bottom lip. Half of him just wants to shut the computer down, give it a good yet still bearable smash and go straight to his bed with dissatisfaction wrapped in rage clouding his mind. However, the other half keeps ensuring that one more attempt, then he will have the capitalised “YOU WIN” displayed all over the monitor.

Soonyoung, being the hot-headed and enthusiastic person that he is, of course sticks with the latter half of him.

He takes a glance upwards, scrutinising the clock by having to slightly squint his eyes. It’s only fifteen minutes left to midnight, meaning he’ll have to get back to his bed any time soon. Apart from already giving Seokmin his word, Soonyoung will be damn lying if he says he isn’t exhausted or sleepy, but the game seems like it won’t let his morality and unwavering pride to do as his physique please.

So by sucking in one deep breath, he encourages himself that he won’t fuck it up this time. However, as he is about to move the mouse to direct his character, Soonyoung feels his breath has hitched and his throat choked on the thin air when he notices a strong pair of arms are wrapping his sides, both elbows are somewhat resting on his shoulders. He even has to look up when he feels the pointy chin resting its way on top of his head, then he takes a glance at his right side and finds a palm almost covering his whole hand that is holding the mouse.

 

“I couldn’t watch you for any longer,” Comes the deep voice, one that makes Soonyoung’s heart pace suddenly goes out of lanes. “Here, let me help you, so you can sleep afterwards.” Soonyoung just nods as he lets Wonwoo takes over the game for him.

 

Oh. He almost forgot about the probability of having Wonwoo helping him out like _this_ ; arms encircling his body, breaths being as close as Soonyoung can clearly feel the sudden change of temperature in especially his cheeks, chest pressed so tight against the upper part of his back, and chin is ever slightly resting on top of his head.

This is dangerous for Soonyoung, for someone who hasn’t yet completely settled what kind of feelings does he have for his bandmate–quite literally a best friend–right here. Whatever it’s called, the most clarity Soonyoung can grasp for every time Wonwoo comes within this much proximity is sudden haziness and thundering heartbeat. Alongside the pleasant warmth creeping in his inside and safety covering the entire body of his.

 

 _“Doesn’t that mean you’ve got a massive crush on this guy?”_ Jeonghan’s voice echoes inside. Of course, Soonyoung has consulted this issue to anyone, and _of course_ it’s Jeonghan that he decided to come up to since the older seems to be understanding of everything that anyone has to express, especially if it involves the members of the group.

 

Soonyoung shakes his head. _It can’t be_ , he tells himself. _It must have not happened_ , he makes another mental certitude. He is staring at the blinking monitor in front of him, but definitely not looking at how his character is about to knock down the computerised player that he is up against right now. Soonyoung lets himself scrutinising the beautiful feature that is vaguely, yet still so clear to his eyes, reflected on the monitor–of how Wonwoo has his nose scrunched up out of overexcitement, mouth slightly gapes every time Soonyoung’s character receives a counterattack from the opponent, teeth unconsciously grazing the bottom lip then later comes for the bite out of strong will to win the game, and eyebrows knitted in absolution form of concentrating as if saying _I have to win this for you_.

And Wonwoo, in the end, did win the game. Soonyoung didn’t realise it at first until he can feel the grip around his sides are loosening as he cranes his neck up to witness how Wonwoo is lifting up his arms in the air out of satisfaction whilst yelling out euphoric sounds.

 

“Alright, now you,” Wonwoo looks down, and his eyes are instantly met with Soonyoung. As if the head-on and sudden staring contest doesn’t make the older slowly falters in his seat, Wonwoo chooses to be an insensible asshole that he is by lowering down his height, so the distance between their eyes are only few inches apart. Soonyoung can feel his heart is pleading at him asking for a permission to explode. “Go to sleep. No excuses.” Wonwoo whispers, and then his lips turn into a wide grin that it scrunches up his nose in a way that irrationalise Soonyoung’s rationality all over again.

At that brief moment of silence, at least to Soonyoung, the leader of performance unit is almost _almost_ tilting his head and craning up his neck even more to understand how does it feel like to have his lips crashed against the pair of someone that he lov– 

 _Oh no_.

That sole thought of wonderment is everything that brings back Soonyoung to stand on the ground called reality. Apart from the fact Wonwoo is his bandmate and best friend, the said guy is also currently developing obvious blossoming feelings towards–

 

“Oh God, I told you not to mess around with Soonyoung-hyung!” Both Soonyoung and Wonwoo are quick to divert their attention to the chiming voice, which comes from Kim Mingyu who is holding a big bowl of what Soonyoung guesses as ramyeon judging from the smell and the notable steam. Soonyoung then throws his gaze back to Wonwoo, who has already straightened his body back up and shoot Mingyu the most endearing and affectionate smile to the youngest of the three. It doesn’t take long for Wonwoo to trace his way towards Mingyu, with the grin that never leaves his lips.

“Is that for me?” Soonyoung notices the change of tone in Wonwoo’s voice. He still remains quiet and wordlessly lets the other two fill the conversational vacancy in the room. 

“For _us_ , that’s why I purposefully used the bigger bowl so it could fit two servings of ramyeon.” Mingyu proudly declares, as if he’s done the most brilliant and inventive thing ever. And Wonwoo, as if being supportive of the other, firmly nods along while playfully croons a long “yessss~” to Mingyu. The next thing Soonyoung witnesses is how both Wonwoo are Mingyu are giggling on their own, and that’s like the unspoken cue for him to leave already, so Soonyoung does.

“I am going to sleep,” Soonyoung clears his throat once again when he realised how croaky he sounded just now. “You two, don’t sleep too late!” He slowly arises from the seat and turns around with eyes glued on both figures in front of him.

“Don’t worry, hyung. We won’t!” Mingyu, having already put the bowl on top of the coffee table, gives Soonyoung a playful salute. Soonyoung chuckles at the younger, whilst Wonwoo just heaves out a soft sight then later ruffling Mingyu’s hair.

“Also Mingyu, can you clean up my mess for me?” He points at the hot chocolate gone cold placed on top of the desk, decided not to finish it up due to the fact he didn’t manage to win over the computerised anonymous by himself nor did he have the will to since suddenly everything tastes bitter to his tongue.

“It sounded weirdly suggestive since you rubbed off the words that way.” Wonwoo shoots Soonyoung a risqué look while wiggling his eyebrows in much tease. Mingyu decides to dab Wonwoo’s side by using his elbow, plus additional grunt from the younger.

 

Now, in any normal situation, and by normal situation Soonyoung means a circumstance where both him and Wonwoo are nothing but close and platonic buddies whose minds are inevitably occupied with sexual things some of the times, Soonyoung should have encountered such remark with something as equally naughty, perhaps even giving it more explicit details. It can’t be helped, hormones can be very handful sometimes, especially towards boys who are still in their 20s.

However, Soonyoung hates finding out how his body, the way it reacts to Wonwoo’s mischievously rated commentary, has completely betrayed what his mind tells him to. He is well aware of the fact that his face has gone red, body is suddenly pounced by instantaneous heat. _Shrug it off, just laugh_ , Soonyoung tells himself, but apparently Mingyu is quick to announce his concerned judgement before he proceeds to do as his head suggests him.

 

“Hyung, are you alright? Your cheeks seem like they are tinted in the reddest shade in an instant.” Mingyu really unknowingly gives Soonyoung a test for his patience as the younger chooses to reach over and put his palm on his forehead, another on his own. “You are pretty heating up as well. Promotions and practices must have been really exhausted you.” _Yeah, but someone apparently caused more damaged than those two things combined_ , Soonyoung thinks to himself as he lets his eyes wonder off to Wonwoo who doesn’t look too happy right now, and the reason just clicks to him when he realises the situation he and Mingyu are currently under. 

 

“Correct, plus it’s crazy hot in here, don’t you think?” Soonyoung tries to relaxingly answer Mingyu’s concern as he slowly takes the younger’s palm off his forehead. “That’s why I am going to head back to my room and let the better air-con there soothes away the heat.”

“Yeah, yeah, go hit the hay already. If you don’t rest well and get sick after, I will make sure to be the first to strangle your neck.” Wonwoo jokingly yells from behind Mingyu, causing the youngest of the three to turn around and shoot him an annoyed ‘shut it!’ to which Wonwoo replies by putting up his hands in act of surrendering.

 

Soonyoung hates how such playful sentence with no further implications on making him feel swayed, did _sway_ him. How Soonyoung, being the absolution of swimming fool (hey, this is unintentional) that he is, takes up the words so deeply that they send warmth to the entirety of his heart. 

But then he notices the adoring look and endeared grin that Wonwoo flashes towards Mingyu, and it’s everything that it takes for him to get back living the reality that it is.

 

“Alright, alright, you asshole.” Soonyoung casually groans the words, hoping his attempt in acting to shield his feelings won’t be seen through by the other two. “I will be going to the bathroom then directly hit the bed, happy?” He decides to just storm his way towards the bathroom without glancing second look at both Wonwoo and Mingyu, but through his peripherals, he notices how Mingyu just nods in satisfaction as he turns around to face Wonwoo and seems like he is gesturing the older to sit on the floor. Soonyoung quickens his pace towards the bathroom.

 

It doesn’t always take him much time to finish his business inside the bathroom, especially when it’s time for him to relax and sleep afterwards. However, tonight is quite a different case. He has to wash his face countless times with the cold water dripping from the sink faucet, then he will look at his own reflection on the mirror, repeatedly giving a self-lecture about how he should just bury the stupid crush deep down and never to speak nor think of it ever again. After a while, he takes a deep breath with gaze firmly focuses on himself and finally decides to brush his teeth, so he can doze off to the dreamland as soon as possible.

He is doing great. All refreshed and cleaned up to welcome the relaxing sleep time that will soon creep in to him as he tucks away the fatigue and exhaustion.

But that is until he witnesses how close and intimate Wonwoo and Mingyu are as he walks passed the living room. How Mingyu are comfortably feeding Wonwoo while the older is playing the game in his phone, their shoulders are pressed so tight against each other’s. Mingyu, despite of having to put his most concentration to balance the bowl while holding the chopsticks _and_ feed it to Wonwoo, still manage to pepper the other guy kisses on his cheeks and neck as a way to distract him. 

Soonyoung should have just pulled a _fuck it_ action and made his way towards the bedroom real quick the moment his eyes witness such scene; a beautiful and endearing scene that strangely pangs his heart somehow.

And then they giggle, Mingyu puts the unfinished ramyeon back on top of the coffee table. Wonwoo is quick to turn Mingyu around facing him and later he presses their foreheads together. Silence, there is only silence pouring over them for a while. One that they consider extremely comforting and somehow comforting, yet Soonyoung considers it as dreadful and wintry.

Soonyoung, without another second thought, _literally_ runs towards his bedroom after seeing how Wonwoo whispered a soft ‘I love you’ to Mingyu and continued proving his point by placing a kiss on the younger’s lips with no any signs of hesitation. Soonyoung runs and runs until he is met by the familiar door of his shared bedroom with Seokmin.

He hates how rush has somehow gotten into him that his initial desire to sneak into the room quietly has turned into something disastrous and just rowdy, especially when he realises the rustle coming from Seokmin’s bunk just after he not-so-accidentally slammed the door.

 

“Hyung?” Seokmin’s voice is hoarse and still sounding so sleepy, yet he chooses to sit up and takes a look downwards to where Soonyoung is standing against the door, looking completely worn out. “Are you alright?” When the image of trembling Soonyoung has become evident in his eyes, Seokmin is quickly going down from his bunk to reach over and instinctively pulling Soonyoung into a hug.

 

They don’t say anything for quite a while. Seokmin just keeps soothing the confused figure in his embrace by affectionately ruffling Soonyoung’s hair and pressing his head against his shoulder. Seokmin decides to keep doing the motions simultaneously until the older guy stops trembling, until he can finally notice the light that has always been presented in pair of Soonyoung’s eyes are, well, present again.

 

“Seokmin,” Soonyoung finally breaks the silence, but before Seokmin’s gotten the chance to answer him, he can feel how Soonyoung is slowly and helplessly clutching his hand on the younger’s chest. “Hey, it’s really cold. Don’t you think?” Seokmin is swift in tightening his embrace the moment he heard the statement coming out of Soonyoung’s numbed lips. “Right here, it’s really cold.” His other free hand, the one that isn’t clutching on to Seokmin’s chest, is moving up and placed right around the area where his heart is. “Really cold, Seokmin.”

Seokmin does nothing but to engulf and swamp Soonyoung in the embrace. Soonyoung thought he’d be able to bottle up the tears inside, not letting even a slight tear to come down and crashing his solidified guard. But then Seokmin starts caressing his back and ruffling his hair while comfortingly lulling him, and all that remains in the end is his tears dampening Seokmin’s shoulder and the image of Wonwoo’s alluring smile with his arm all stretched out to reach it.

 

But it just never does. 

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to yell at [me](https://twitter.com/sebongshinki)


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